COYOTE STEALS THE 2000 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> COYOTE IN PALM BEACH
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Coyote stared at the bubbles
> > >> rising from his martini.
> > >> He started walking on a
> > >> trail from there
> > >>
> > >> until he walked into
> > >> the polling station,
> > >> thinking it was
> > >> a whorehouse.
> > >>
> > >> Suddenly in need of a toilet,
> > >> he entered a voting booth,
> > >> pulled down his pants,
> > >> and did his business.
> > >>
> > >> Coyote burned a stick of incense
> > >> made from a piece of old shoelace,
> > >> thinking it would hide the stink.
> > >>
> > >> Many ballots became soiled
> > >> by Coyote wiping his shit
> > >> over everything.
> > >>
> > >> The voting officials became furious.
> > >> Soon, angry mobs stormed
> > >> the election headquarters.
> > >>
> > >> Outside, Coyote took off
> > >> his asshole & threw it down
> > >> the sewer to clean it off.
> > >>
> > >> When his asshole floated away
> > >> He chased it all the way
> > >> to the sea.
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> COYOTE STOPS THE RECOUNT
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Chased by party bigwigs,
> > >> cops & extremists,
> > >> Coyote seduced a woman
> > >> he'd seen on tv.
> > >>
> > >> With his picture flashed
> > >> across the state of Florida
> > >> Coyote looked good in lipstick
> > >> & a tight red dress.
> > >>
> > >> One fat cat politico
> > >> shoved a piece of paper
> > >> into his hand & said
> > >> read this.
> > >>
> > >> Still hungover, Coyote
> > >> said, "I have deliberated
> > >> carefully & made my decision
> > >> not to certify any hand recounts."
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> COYOTE ON THE ROAD TO TALLAHASSEE
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Tired of garbage
> > >> he was eating out
> > >> of a Miami dumpster
> > >> behind the mayor's office
> > >>
> > >> Coyote headed north--
> > >> a long, slim, & sorry
> > >> looking skeleton--
> > >> following the orange
> > >> groves to Tallahassee.
> > >>
> > >> While the driver
> > >> of the yellow rental truck
> > >> was taking a piss at a rest area
> > >> he hijacked the uncounted votes
> > >> from the 2000 presidential election.
> > >>
> > >> No helicopter tv camera
> > >> hovering overhead saw him
> > >> suck himself until he came,
> > >> until he finished with himself.
> > >>
> > >> "No one will ever
> > >> make me their news,"
> > >> said Coyote.
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> COYOTE IN THE U.S. SUPREME COURT
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Coyote stumbled into the
> > >> U.S. Supreme Court
> > >> thinking it was a
> > >> discount liquor store.
> > >>
> > >> While the chief justice
> > >> was reading through
> > >> the next case
> > >> Coyote stole his robe.
> > >>
> > >> When his right arm saw
> > >> his left arm sticking out
> > >> of the robe one turned
> > >> upon the other.
> > >>
> > >> Before long his arms
> > >> were cut & bleeding from
> > >> their vicious fight.
> > >>
> > >> "Why have I done this?"
> > >> asked Coyote to himself.
> > >> "Why have I made
> > >> myself suffer?"
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> COYOTE FALLS ASLEEP ON THE BENCH
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Coyote fell asleep on the bench
> > >> as Mr. Tribe asked Justice Kennedy
> > >> "Why tell people the count
> > >> if you won't count it? . . .
> > >>
> > >> that truly would be a promise
> > >> to the ear to be broken by hope."
> > >>
> > >> In Coyote's dream he had
> > >> come upon the carcass of
> > >> the chief of the eagles
> > >> & was eating its guts.
> > >>
> > >> He farted so loud he woke himself.
> > >> "Everything's too easy," he shouted,
> > >>
> > >> thinking he was at the conference
> > >> where it is decided when the
> > >> seasons should take place.
> > >>
> > >> Pretty soon Coyote felt
> > >> a cold chill go through his head.
> > >> Then he touched his head.
> > >>
> > >> "Oh," said Coyote, "it's myown
> > >> brains I've been eating."
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> COYOTE IN LEON COUNTY
> > >> "A voter in a county where a
> > >> manual count was conducted
> > >> would benefit from having a
> > >> better chance of having his or her
> > >> vote counted than a voter in a county
> > >> where a hand count was halted."
> > >>
> > >> --Judge Sanders Sauls
> > >> [rejecting a recount vote]
> > >>
> > >> Coyote was feeling lucky.
> > >> He had just met a hooker &
> > >> no sooner had he made her
> > >> than she was pregnant.
> > >>
> > >> He jumped on the hooker's stomach
> > >> until the child came to life.
> > >> "Now he's dead," said Coyote.
> > >> "Where shall we bury him?"
> > >>
> > >> He took him to the place
> > >> where the gravestones move
> > >> around.
> > >>
> > >> This place was next to a basketball court.
> > >> It was a winter's day & rattlesnakes
> > >> lay coiled in the sun.
> > >>
> > >> Putting dirt on his face,
> > >> Coyote acted like a
> > >> crazy man.
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> COYOTE DISCOVERS RAT'S MARKED DECK OF
> > >> CARDS MADE FROM SEMINOLE COUNTY
> > >> ABSENTEE BALLOT APPLICATIONS
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Coyote rolled his eyes down
> > >> the street & around the corner.
> > >> Sure enough, there was Rat
> > >> running off to a card game.
> > >>
> > >> Where his eyes had been
> > >> he put two shiny cockroaches.
> > >> It is on account of things like this
> > >> that people call him "foolish one."
> > >>
> > >> Blindly he stumbled onto a road.
> > >> Immediately, he was flattened
> > >> by a motorcade.
> > >>
> > >> Lying on his back when he came to,
> > >> Coyote smelled fresh plums.
> > >> He tied his scattered bones together &
> > >> went off to find the trees they belonged to.
> > >>
> > >> When he leapt for the plums
> > >> he landed in a trash can
> > >> where Rat was bragging
> > >> about his winnings.
> > >>
> > >> Laughing, he gave Coyote two plums
> > >> which he devoured, never knowing
> > >> they were his eyes.
> > >>
> > >> "If toward evening," said Rat toCoyote,
> > >> you see the sky red, you will know
> > >> it is the plums causing it."
> > >>
> > >> After that Coyote went to a hill
> > >> that was not far off.
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> THE DEATH SPIRIT VISITS COYOTE IN BUSH V. GORE
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Coyote sat there listening to voices
> > >> inside the Supreme Court making
> > >> their decision in Bush v. Gore.
> > >>
> > >> "Why are you crying?"
> > >> asked the death spirit to Coyote.
> > >> "When Mr. Klock called to the dead
> > >> justice sitting on the bench," said Coyote,
> > >>
> > >> "he was seeing my wife who long ago
> > >> became like a shadow
> > >> on an overcast day."
> > >>
> > >> "You were about to establish the practice
> > >> of returning the people from death,"
> > >> said the ghost.
> > >>
> > >> "Now it won't happen.
> > >> You made it this way."
> > >>
> > >> Coyote decided to retrace his steps
> > >> to shadowland, but he never
> > >> found his way there again.
> > >>
> > >> All night he walked around the tents
> > >> pitched outside the courthouse,
> > >> but in the morning, he heard
> > >> only the sparrows.
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> COYOTE ADDRESSES HIS EXCREMENT
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> The men called Coyote over.
> > >> "Coyote," they said,
> > >> "you are the biggest liar
> > >> we've ever known."
> > >>
> > >> "You are very good at it."
> > >> "Teach us so we can be successful too."
> > >>
> > >> "I had to pay a price for my power."
> > >> "What did you pay?" they asked.
> > >>
> > >> "I had to remove one of my legs,
> > >> tie it to my back, then jump back
> > >> & forth across this ravine."
> > >>
> > >> Right away each man removed a leg,
> > >> tied it to his back, approached the
> > >> ravine, stumbled, & then fell
> > >> to the bottom.
> > >>
> > >> The fall killed the men & they
> > >> floated down the river.
> > >>
> > >> After a while, Coyote took a big shit,
> > >> then turned around to speak
> > >> to his excrement--
> > >>
> > >> "What's happened?"
> > >> "How did I get here?"
> > >>
> > >> "Up there someone powerful killed you,"
> > >> the excrement said.
> > >>
> > >> Coyote went on his way.
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Jim Cohn 3000 Colorado Ave. E-219, Boulder,CO 80303
> jimcohn@ecentral.com